Thursday, June 2, 2011

Query Brain

I have written 372 query drafts and I might just have one now. Isn't that EXCITING?? (Well the part about being done, not the part about how freaking long it took.)

But yeah, that's what I've been doing all day. And now I am suffering from Query Brain, which is a very serious condition. Basically, it makes you think in queries.

My boyfriend says he's going to take a walk, and I reply that I don't understand his motivation. Can he make it more clear?

My mom wants to go to lunch but doesn't know where, and I just don't think that's a compelling enough choice to stand out in the slush pile.

And then I drink coffee, and more coffee, and end up chatting with my crit partner Ina who helped me turn my life into a query. This is what we came up with:

Kat is an aspiring author who loves to tell stories. But when she meets Ina, a grumpy Norwegian girl who hates 1st person present tense stories, Kat's whole world is turned on its head. Armed with coffee, a dream, and a new Macbook, Kat sets out on a journey to write the best 1st person present tense YA novel ever, and prove to Ina that it can be done.

Kat knows she needs one more pass of revision before Ina will approve, and she desperately wants to print out the ms and see it on paper. She'll have to figure out the mysterious and crappy printer and somehow make it work or she'll be stuck reading her entire manuscript on a computer screen. Kat must also grapple with the fact that she's not as funny as she believes she is, or she'll be sorely disappointed when she realizes that she is the only one laughing.

If she fails, Ina's wrath will be unleashed in the form of never-before-heard similes and Kat will forever be forced to write in third person. Can Kat figure out the printer? Is it even possible? Or will she just have some Cheetos and attempt revising on the computer?

KAT'S LIFE is a work in progress, and therefore not yet complete. I believe KAT'S LIFE will appeal to one person, Kat's mom (and maybe not even her).

Thank you for your time and consideration.

I'm pretty sure the middle paragraph needs some work, and I'm just not sure the stakes are high enough.

*Sigh* Back to the drawing board, I suppose...

ETA 7:36 PM:
KAT'S LIFE spoiler alert-- after 2 hours of slamming her face against the wall, Kat successfully hooks up the printer and prints her entire ms! HUZZAH!


  1. I'd like one of those query brains. Do you know where they can be obtained? They do sound rather more stimulating than the one I've got - although, come to think of it, I've written a few query poems of late.

  2. This made my day! As I'm currently taking a trip down Query Lane, I realize it does do some strange things to your brain. (Hey, that rhymes!)

  3. Haha! I know all about query brain, but right now I have revision brain. I'm not sure which is worse!