Untouched word count @ 45,500.
When I opened my WIP today I paused on the first page, and I paused for too long. See, I told myself that I wouldn't bother with editing until I was done, because I wanted to finish a first draft before starting the meticulous process of nitpicking sentences. But I stared at that first page for a moment too long, and I found myself scratching the opening paragraph and writing a new one.
This is the original:
I stopped fearing death a long time ago. Once I accepted that death would claim me before I was ready, there was nothing left to be afraid of. Or rather, there was everything left to be afraid of, there was just nothing I could do about it. All I could do was wait.
And this is the new one:
As I lay on my death bed I was sure of only two things. First, that at the young age of eighteen, death was claiming me long before I would ever be ready. And second, that there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. Little did I know, I was only half right.
I'm not sure which one is more 'hookable'. Which paragraph draws you in more? There is a fair chance that severe lack of sleep has left me slightly deluded-- I'm so close to the writing I can't even see it anymore so it's hard to tell.
Time to get some sleep!
Cheers!
-Kat
From one Kat to another:
ReplyDeleteThe second. I like the second because it shows immediate action with the character. (Albeit, that action is merely happening on a deathbed, but it is action nonetheless.)
Plus, with the second sentence, I'm drawn in by the mystique of the narrator being only half right.
I like the second the best for the reasons Kat listed above. Great job! I know the feeling of being deluded. :)
ReplyDeleteSecond. The first one feels too borderline cliche, while the second is instantly interesting.
ReplyDeleteI like the second one too. Your book idea is very cool. :P
ReplyDeleteYes, the second one works much better, and also gets right into the action, but at the "up STILL" time of 9am it was hard to be objective. Thanks for making feel a little bit more sane.
ReplyDelete